I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just had sex on a roof
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
