I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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