This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
