Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
