apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize