Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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