think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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