so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
