So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
