i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
