I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
