it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
