I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
