I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
