I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
