Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
