the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
