What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
