apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
