i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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