Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
