shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
