Don't make out with my wife yet
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
