i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
