i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
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New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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