when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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