i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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