Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
