Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
