I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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