Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You took a bar mat shot.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
