seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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