I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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