This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
