cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
