so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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