I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
