My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A bitchslap is in order.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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