And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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