If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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