Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ugly people sure do ruin things
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
