guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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