he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
