WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
