we're chasing vodka with high fives
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
