i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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