he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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