If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
