it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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