You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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