genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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