I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
