please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The air was thick with penises
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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