My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
