Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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