OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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