Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You may now shotgun with the bride
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
