Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize