theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
