Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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