I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
