If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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