Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
