I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
