I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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