Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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