She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
