Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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